It's Okay To Cry
by Phoenix Rising
Summary: A Queifer. Seifer thinks he may be the one to unlock the real Quistis, to pry away her mask.
1. Alone On The Beach

It's Okay To Cry  
  
Seifer Almasy walked slowly through the Balamb streets, trying to pass time. The blue hued town was slowly turning purple as the sun set and it's blood red rays fell upon the buildings there. He reached the pier where, when he was a promising SeeD, he, Squall, Zell and the others had left for and returned from their preliminary Dollet mission three short years ago. He sighed heavily as he remembered his actions when Ultimecia had tried to rule. People had died because of him, but that was no different to killing beasts, was it? Was it? He wanted to beat himself up over it, but there were enough people who would do that for him. Squall Leonhart was one. The grudge was still there and the new Commander had rejected Seifer's apology and application to rejoin Garden. The thing that stung Seifer the most was the fact that his posse, Raijin and his Fujin, had been accepted with open arms and yet their golden God-like leader was left out in the cold. He was lonely, but would he admit that to anyone, would he hell. Everyone was happy, it seemed, apart from him. He had nobody; no Fujin, no Raijin, no girlfriend, no friends. He was lonely as a hermit. He outwardly blamed Squall for his sorrow, but deep down, he knew it'd always been him. Seifer Almasy, the brash, bullying dreamer. Now instead of being a SeeD like he'd wanted, he was working a mundane 9-5 job in Balamb. He hated his job, he hated Balamb, he hated Squall and Zell and the rest, but most of all, he hated himself. Occasionally, Raijin or Fujin would come over and see him in his shamefully small apartment and fill him in on the Garden gossip. Depending on what they told him, he could laugh himself happy over it, or send himself spiralling into despair again. Squall and Rinoa were engaged, Selphie and Irvine were going steady, Xu had Nida, Zell was with that Library girl, and Raijin and Fujin had eachother, as they always had done. Shaking himself free of his depressive thoughts, his dark turquoise eyes fell upon a figure huddled on one of the piers. Her long golden hair reflected the copper light, almost making her seem coated in red blood.  
  
"Trust me to think that", Seifer muttered to himself as he approached her.  
  
She was dressed in a black dress with long red gloves and a chain whip laying curled by her side. Her head was on her knees, and her shoulders were shaking slightly. She was oblivious to Seifer's presence as he walked up to her. Kneeling beside her and laying a hand gently on her shoulder, he spoke,  
  
"Quistis?".  
  
The woman looked up, fresh diamond tears beading in her eyes and slipping down her pale cheeks. She hastily rubbed her eyes, looking ashamed that someone, especially someone regarded as an enemy, THE enemy, had seen her crying.  
  
"Seifer", she replied, trying to regain her composure.  
  
"It's okay to cry Quistis", he told her, taking one of her hands and sitting down next to her.  
  
Quistis smiled a forced smile and laughed lightly. "I don't even know why I'm crying", she said and laughed another mirthless laugh.  
  
Seifer stared at her for a moment, her words sinking in. He watched her, discovering that he was attracted to her. He looked at her; the tranquil beauty of her just existing and breathing.  
  
"Quistis, I know why", he told her.  
  
She turned to face him, a look of surprise on her face.  
  
"It's because you're lonely. Everyone else has someone and you want to feel wanted", Seifer said.  
  
Her body went rigid and her skin prickled as she snapped her head around to face him.  
  
"Seifer Almasy!", she said, getting to her feet. "How could you say that! You think you know me, but you know nothing about me", she raged, more tears falling from her sky-blue eyes.  
  
Seifer hurriedly scrambled to his feet and grabbed her arms.  
  
"Quistis, I...I do know you better than you think", he faltered.  
  
"But Seifer; it's the truth", she said softly, burying her face in his chest. Seifer looked alarmed, not knowing how to cope in situations like this. He chewed his lip nervously and gathered her into a hug. She sobbed quietly into his chest and allowed him to stroke her back awkwardly. They stayed in that position for a few moments longer before Quistis pulled away in alarm.  
  
"It's getting late. I need to be back at Garden. I have to observe the curfew like every other SeeD now", she said bitterly, walking away from him. He frowned in disappointment and sadness.  
  
"Goodnight Quisty", he said softly to her retreating form, but she didn't hear him. He slumped to the floor and rested his head on his hands. A solitary tear slid down his cheek and he laughed hollowly to himself.  
  
"It's okay to cry?". 


	2. Seifer's Job Sucks

It's Okay To Cry 2  
  
Seifer Almasy awoke the next morning in his dreary apartment. Getting to his feet, he noticed how bare the place was, how devoid of human accents. It was just a box to keep the elements off of Seifer's head.  
  
"Could do with a woman's touch", he said, yawning and scratching. He crossed to the small bathroom and got into the shower. As quickly as he could, he showered and dressed, once again leaving no time to eat breakfast. He sighed, threw on his trench coat with the long faded flaming crosses, and locked his front door. He made his way through the little town to the shop that had miraculously decided to employ him. He opened the door and let it fall shut behind him.  
  
"You're late Almasy. By seven minutes", his boss; Zeke spat from behind the counter. Seifer rolled his eyes and hung his coat up on the hook left for him. He knew it was no use protesting his case or talking back, because as much as he hated his job, he needed it. He needed to stay in Balamb, he needed to stay near Quistis. Seifer picked up his apron, and tying the strings, made his way into the tiny kitchen. He knew his routine by heart, since he'd worked there nearly three years. Every morning he went to make Zeke a cup of coffee that the old man had only ever drunk twice since he'd employed Seifer.  
  
"Coffee Zeke?", Seifer called through the doorway. The old man mumbled a reply, and Seifer set about making it, the only way he could; the old fashioned way where the kettle took ten minutes to boil. He strolled back into the shop and leant against the wall, staring at the boil on his boss's chin. God he hated that man something fierce. Hated him... almost as much as he hated Leonhart and chicken-wuss. Such hatred Seifer always had to fight to suppress.  
Seifer once again immersed himself in memories of the past. Since he'd had his GF withdrawn by Garden, he could remember a lot more. Today he recalled a walk along the beach he'd made as a child. He wasn't alone in his mind. She was there that time too. Seifer remembered kicking up sand as he walked along near the tide-line, his trousers rolled up as protection from the sea. Quistis trailed behind in a little pink sun-suit and sandals, strolling along carefully, always watching where she put her feet. Seifer turned to face her, he thought she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. That wasn't hard since her only competition was Sefie and Ellone. He cleared his throat and spoke.  
  
"Quisty, do you think we'll be friends when we grow up", he drew a wiggly 's' with his toe in the damp sand. Quistis flicked her long gold hair behind her and coughed primly.  
  
"Maybe Seifer. You never know what'll happen. I might grow up and marry a handsome prince, and a sorceress will turn you into a bug", Seifer gasped. Could it be true that Quisty would go away from him, and he, Seifer Almasy would be turned into a bug? He shook his head from side to side.  
  
"Nu-uh Quisty, I reckon we'll get married and have loadsa little Seiftis-s- s-s...", he trailed off when he saw her staring at him.  
  
"Don't be stupid Seifer. I'm going to marry Squall. Everyone thinks so", she said, walking curtly past him up the beach in front of the Centra Orphanage.  
  
"I'll never let that happen!", he bellowed after her. "Never", a small frown overtook his features and he pouted. "Never", he said softly.  
A woman waving her hand in front of his face snapped Seifer back to reality. He frowned.  
  
'Hyne, not that stupid old baggage again', he thought to himself. Remembering the 'Good Salesmanship Test' he'd passed, he smiled broadly at her.  
  
"Well, hello Mrs. Dincht! And how may I help you today?", he gushed, hoping she didn't think that anything was amiss. She raised and eyebrow and replied.  
  
"Well, Seifer, I need something for Zell and Natashya. You see, they're getting engaged", Ma Dincht said snootily. Seifer felt like he'd been physically punched in the chest.  
  
"Oh, Ch- Zell is gonna get married? Congratulations", he said bitterly, trying to smile. "And what kind of gift were you thinking of?", he continued. Ma Dincht gazed into the glass case that was the counter and poked at various items with a pudgy finger. Half an hour later, she had decided on a particularly disgusting photo-frame, that she was sure her son would love. She wiggled her vast behind out of the shop and Seifer breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Where's my coffee, boy?", Zeke asked him. Seifer rolled his eyes for what seemed like the millionth time that day and made his way back to the kitchen. He lifted the kettle and poured water into Zeke's filthy looking cup.  
  
'Thank Hyne for freeze-dried coffee", Seifer thought to himself. "So the chicken-wuss is getting wed. Boy oh boy. I wonder if I'll get an invite?", he mused aloud, cackling slightly and smirking devilishly. He carried the coffee back to his boss, and set it down in front of him. Zeke looked disdainfully down at the mug and wrinkled his nose.  
  
"Could've cleaned the cup, boy", he chided. Seifer grit his teeth and crossed the room to avoid giving his employer a first-hand glimpse of Hyperion. Seifer just shrugged apologetically.  
  
"In fact boy, the whole place could do with a clean up", the old man spoke, wiggling his little finger in his ear. Seifer wrinkled his nose in disgust.  
  
'Eww, Hyne that man is the most revolting creature I've ever encountered. Except for maybe Mrs. Dincht', he mused silently as he crossed the small room to retrieve the moth-eaten broom. As he moved gracefully around the floor, he swept up clouds of dust, piling it neatly near the door. Taking a deft glance at his boss, he noticed that the old man had fallen asleep whilst picking his nose. Seifer felt a little sick; but no sicker than any other time he was around Zeke.  
After what seemed like eons of cleaning, which was in reality almost two and a half hours, Seifer finally swept the last pile of dust out of the door. All over a pair of sneakers that he recognised.  
  
'Aww, great, the C-W is in town', he thought to himself, crossing back to the corner to replace the tattered broom. He stood behind the counter and smirked at Zell shaking the dust off his feet before entering the shop. Behind him walked a petite girl with brown hair. Seifer looked alarmed. Was this Zell's bride to be? Eww, she was mighty plain. Zell and the girl approached the counter, the martial artist leaning on it. He grinned, the movement wrinkling his silly looking tattoo.  
  
"Ooh Seifer, I never knew you worked in a gift-shop! How long have you been here?", he said in a saccharine voice. Seifer tried hard to bite down an enraged comment. How dare chicken-wuss come into his store. Zeke was still asleep, so he surmised that it was his store for now. Seifer smiled broadly, but narrowed his eyes just a little.  
  
"Ooh Zell, only since Garden rejected my application to retrain. That's about...", he paused. "Three years nearly. Wowee. Anyway Ch- Zell, I didn't know you were gonna get hitched. Who's the unlucky lady?", he said scathingly. Zell frowned and put his arm around the girl.  
  
"She is. I mean, Natashya is the lucky girl. That's why we're here, I wanna buy her a wedding present", Zell said cockily. Seifer raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Well, that's a nice touch. Feel free to look around", Seifer bit out. "Don't fucking touch anything with your sticky fingers though", he added under his breath. Zell looked like he'd heard him, but said nothing and wandered over to the far side of the shop. Seifer stood boredly behind the counter, inspecting his nails and leaning his head against a display of lighters. A little later, Zell walked up to the counter carrying a blue vanity case with silver sequins dotted all over it. For yet another time, Seifer wrinkled his nose.  
  
'If that ain't the tackiest thing ever. Except maybe the photo frame Ma bought earlier', he thought evilly as he rung the purchase up and handed Zell his change. Without saying a word, the to-be-weds walked out of the shop and up the road toward Garden. Once more, Seifer leant his head on his hands and stared out into the bright Balamb sunshine. He hated when the weather was nice and he was stuck indoors. He hated nauseating old men who picked various parts of their anatomy publicly too. Hell, Seifer Almasy hated everyone... Everyone except Quistis Trepe that is. 


	3. Quistis' Job Sucks

It's Okay To Cry 3  
  
Quistis Trepe was bored again. It seemed to her that she was only ever bored or lonely, and there was no other emotion in her soul. She'd been really bored lately; bored with the job she had at Garden. After her Instructor's license had been revoked, Squall and Cid had decided to appoint her as an admin assistant. Sure, Quistis was neat and precise, but she was no empty-headed secretary. She'd been in her tiny broom-cupboard come office for hours and seemed to have finished everything. Her 'in' tray was empty, most was filed away in folders of varying shades of pink, and that in her 'out' tray was folded and placed neatly in the mesh frame. She had been bored outside of the office too. There were only so many times you could go to the Training Centre and beat up on grats and the odd T-Rexaur that now just seemed to fall at her feet without so much as a fight. She'd trained up so much since they'd got back, that the monsters just seemed to flee in front of her. Now that all her friends were lovey-dovey, she had noone to go out with. She missed the days not so long ago where she and Selphie would go shopping, or when Irvine would go with her into Balamb at night, only ever to protect her from scummy men. Now all those days had vapourised like morning dew, and Quistis couldn't quite grab them back. She was lonely, and all she wanted was a friend. Not a Trepie, a friend who would spend time with her.  
She leant her chin on her hand and gazed at the door, willing time away; willing her life away. She didn't even know why she wanted it to be 1700 hours, because she'd be just as bored then. At least though, she wouldn't be stuck in a cramped beige office with just her thoughts for company. She sighed and straightened her pens up so that they were just parallel to each other; a habit that she'd never broken. The door swung inward suddenly, spilling blue-white light over her ecru carpet, a shadow in the middle of the light. The shadow spoke with an all-too-familiar voice.  
  
"Quistis, I'd like you to do something for me", there would have been a time where she had longed to hear those words from that mouth, but now they held no promise.  
  
"Yes, Squall. What is it?", she said, flicking her hair back over her shoulders. 'Really should get a haircut'. He approached her and placed a slim volume on her desk. She cast her eyes over the moss-green cover and wrinkled her nose delicately.  
  
"It's a mission brief, Quistis", her heart jumped at the chance to get out of this place and do something exciting for a change. Squall continued.  
  
"I'd like you to take it to the resources department and have it photocopied ten times. If you could return the original to me, then I'll tell you what next", he finished, turning smartly on his heel. Quistis seethed inwardly and gritted her teeth.  
  
"Of course sir, I'll do your running around after you, sir. Hyne only knows why you're too busy to do it", she bit out angrily, and got to her feet. She grabbed her chain-whip and stomped out of her office, the electronic door humming closed behind her. There was a light 'ping' as it locked itself.  
Quistis strode angrily down the corridor, the booklet clenched tight in her fist. She was creasing it, but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything Squall did anymore, that part of her life was over. She dreamed of getting away from this flying blue prison, and setting up her own shop, or café or restaurant; anything to get away from this hell-on- wings. There was no way she could leave though; she didn't have as much money as she'd hoped, and by her careful calculations, she needed to earn a Garden salary for at least another five years. Quistis would be here until she was twenty-five, it was almost certain. She was annoyed, and overlooked, and lonely here, and there was no way she could remain here any longer. As she opened the resources department door, she debated drafting a resignation on her return. Shaking her head free of those thoughts, she put the booklet on the main table.  
  
"Excuse me, Commander Leonhart would like ten copies of this", she said to the woman standing by a photocopier. The middle-aged woman smiled kindly, some slight wrinkles appearing near her eyes, and picked the booklet up.  
  
"SeeD missions, eh? I was a SeeD not that long ago you know. Then I got stuck in here. I was too good to lose, but not quite up to scratch to be a SeeD", she said softly. Quistis frowned. This woman was exactly what Quistis was going to be.  
  
"It'll take a little while", the woman informed her, turning away. Quistis moved toward the door, she had to get out or else she'd scream.  
  
"I'll come back", she said, turning and striding purposefully down the hallway to the exit. She flashed her I.D card at the gate-guard and ran down toward the Balamb beach. There was no way she'd work there for the rest of her life. The woman sounded exactly like Quistis. Good old Quistis Trepe, so reliable and precise, too good to lose to another Garden, or another company, but not quite SeeD standard anymore. She'd peaked at eighteen, and it was all downhill from there. Quistis scowled as she sat in the sand, and unseen behind her passed a shadow in a grey coat. 


	4. Together Again

It's Okay To Cry 4

Together Again

Disclaimer, because I haven't done one on this fic, naughty me!  
I do not own Quistis, Seifer or any of the FFVIII characters unfortunately. Feelings are my own, and that's about it. This fic not affiliated with Square Inc in any way, shape or form.

Since the night he had seen Quistis on the beach, she had hardly left Seifer's thoughts. He had loved her when they were kids, because he knew he could never have her. She only had eyes for Squall, who probably wouldn't notice if she had grown an extra head. Seifer's lip curled up in a sneer, out of the habit of associating Squall with his own failure, but there was hardly any malice in it now. Seifer just couldn't pretend to be angry any more, there was no point to it now. He looked out of the shop window, glancing at the grey sky. To his surprise, a few white flakes fell out of the clouds and settled on the worn cobbles. It hardly ever snowed in Balamb, it had been cold enough recently, but no one had expected it. He smiled glumly and turned away, remembering when it had snowed when he and the rest of the fun gang were small. It had only ever snowed three times in his twenty-one years of life, but he could remember one time better than the rest. He went through the motions of serving another indecisive customer, not quite believing that it had been three years since he had been kicked out of Garden. As the afternoon passed slowly by, he risked another look into the street. Little kids were playing in the snow that was still falling, making a perfect winter's scene. It would be spring soon, so the children were making the most of the snow while it lasted, before it turned into grey slush. The most vivid memory of snow had her in it too; he just couldn't seem to shake Quistis Trepe out of his head. A perfect, cute little princess had grown into a beautiful ice-queen, a thought which had been making him sigh. His horrible boss, Zeke, snapped his head up from the horse-racing paper he had clutched in his pudgy hand.

"You sickening for somethin', boy? Ya can go out and play in it if ya want?", Zeke muttered through his bristles. Seifer raised an eyebrow, but his heart leapt.

"Is that sarcasm, Zeke?", he asked, leaning up from where he had been lounging against the far wall. The old man eyed him suspiciously and wiggled a finger in his nose industriously.

"Naw, you wanna play in the snow, go. Trade is slow today, and the sight of ya makes me sick right now", the ancient troll of a man said, but without his usual venom. Seifer smiled and reached for his coat, almost knocking the hatstand over in his eagerness to be outside.

"Thanks Zeke, you're not such a jerk after all", Seifer said, his old cocky smile returning and playing across his unshaven face like sunlight. The old man just snorted and busied himself in picking a winner in the afternoon's big race.

Quistis Trepe sighed, looking out of the window at the snow. She shivered, pulling her brown cardigan tighter around her and felt the radiator a little way from her desk. Surprise, surprise, the heating was off. Getting to her feet, she put her black coat on and grabbed her scarf from the bed. With the intention of going to Squall to bewail her lack of heating, she was surprised to see a crowd of people; students, SeeDs and faculty outside his office door, attempting to do just that. She squeezed her way through the members of the crowd who would let her, and looked through a gap to see quite an amusing sight. Squall was standing on his upturned waste paper basket, with his leather jacket on, trying to placate the crowd. She could just make out what he was saying over the murmur of distaste that was passing around the mass of people. At least it's warm in the middle of this many people, she mused to herself.

"Most of Garden's heating pipes have frozen. That's why it's so cold in here, but we still have power in the cafeteria. Therefore, I suggest a full evacuation of the Garden students to there", he said hopefully, shooting Quistis a meaningful glance that was quite lost on her.

"What about us?", one of the SeeDs Quistis herself had trained asked the commander.

"SeeDs will collect blankets and so forth and bring them to the cafeteria, where you will be assigned a party of students to take care of", Squall answered smoothly, barely batting an eyelid.

"With respect, sir", the SeeD continued, "We're trained mercenaries, not babysitters", he finished, looking slightly flustered. Squall's face froze into an angry grin.

"No questions, no insubordination. Faculty, join me in my office please", he said, nearly falling off his precarious pedestal and hurrying into his office. Quistis rolled her eyes and turned away. Technically she was faculty, but noone would miss her if she went out to play in the snow. No, not play, reconnoitre, she reminded herself, but indulged in a little giggle anyway.

Without knowing quite what had driven her to go there, Quistis arrived at the beach. With a shy smile to herself, she remembered that this was where Seifer had gathered her up into a hug not so long ago. Seifer, the sorceress' knight, the bully, the kid who always mashed up her snowmen as a child. Always with the same excuse too, she remembered.

"I'm gonna be a knight Quisty, I have to save the beautiful pwincess from the bad guys", she could hear his voice in her head even now. She had cried back then, and Seifer had gotten a scolding from Matron, but when she looked back on it, it was quite sweet really. Not caring what anyone else thought, Quistis Trepe, twenty-one year old instructor first class, pulled on her gloves and set about making a sandy snowman. She smiled as she piled the snow up, listening to the hiss that the snowflakes made as they fell into the cold blue sea. Time passed, and the grey clouds didn't relent in their deluge of snow. Quistis was so absorbed in making her snowman, she didn't hear footsteps behind her.

Seifer Almasy, trying to fight the urge to push her down had crept up on her. What the hell, how much harm could it do? She couldn't hate him any more than she probably did. With a big grin, he reached, grabbed her hips and pushed as hard as he could. With more of a snarl than the scream he expected, Quistis fell headfirst into the huge pile of snow she'd made. Shaking her head from side to side, trying to get snow out of her face, she looked up at him.

"Seifer Almasy, grow up", she said, dusting her coat off. Noticing that she had made no move to get to her feet, Seifer bent down in front of her.

"I'm not the one making a snowman at twenty-one, Instructor", he said airily, with a flash of his cocky smile. The same smile that Quistis was ashamed to say made her heart pound. She smiled sweetly and pushed her soaked gold hair back. Quick as a rattlesnake strike, she pulled him into the snow by his lapels. Before he'd had a chance to ward her off, she had stuffed handfuls of snow down his black turtleneck. He pushed up, managing to move her off of his chest. Both laughing, they tried to get snow off of eachother. Seifer pushed a stray strand of hair back from her now rosy cheek and left his hand on the side of her head. Quistis smiled nervously but inside her heart was pounding.

"Missed a bit", Seifer said, ducking his head and kissing her full on the lips. Even if Quistis had had time to protest, she wouldn't have.


End file.
